Posted on: January 20, 2011 12:13 pm

Sports Quotes

Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.  -Darrin Weinberg

The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game.  -Bill Shankly

There are only two seasons - winter and baseball.  -Bill Veeck

Baseball is like church. Many attend; few understand.  -Leo Durocher

A baseball park is the one place where a man's wife doesn't mind his getting excited over somebody else's curves.  -Brendan Francis

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.  -Ted Williams

Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.  -Unknown

Why does everybody stand up and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they're already there?  -Larry Anderson

A successful coach needs a patient wife, loyal dog, and great quarterback - and not necessarily in that order.  -Bud Grant

If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.  -Bo Jackson

Success is not forever and failure isn't fatal.  -Don Shula

We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts...and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's get to work.  -Denzel Washington in Remember the Titans

Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.  -Lou Holtz

Winning isn't everything, but it beats anything that comes in second.  -Paul "Bear" Bryant

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.  -Duffy Daugherty

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.  -Dave Barry

Many athletes have tremendous God-given gifts, but they don't focus on the development of those gifts. Who are these individuals? You've never heard of them - and you never will. It's true in sports and it's true everywhere in life. Hard work is the difference. Very hard work.  -John Wooden

The trouble with officials is they just don't care who wins.  -Tommy Canterbury

On his Washington State college team - Fans never fall asleep at our games because they're afraid they might get hit with a pass.  -George Raveling

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.  -Hank Aaron
Posted on: August 10, 2010 12:17 pm
Edited on: August 10, 2010 12:18 pm

Decisions, decisions.....

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first woman does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup, buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her... then he married the one with the biggest tits.

Category: General
Tags: funny, marriage, women
Posted on: November 25, 2009 12:12 pm
Edited on: November 25, 2009 12:13 pm

"Theory of Relativity"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

During the holidays, you may want to recall the "Theory of Relativity" discovered by Mr. Albert Einstein, which states that time and space are relative, which explains why time goes slower, and space gets smaller when you are with your relatives.

Ok, I have to admit that I borrowed this from Dave Barry, who probably borrowed it from someone else.......

Posted on: November 12, 2009 6:40 pm
Edited on: August 10, 2010 12:11 pm

It's gonna be a long, cold winter

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,

"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.

"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.

"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

Category: General
Tags: funny, weather
Posted on: April 4, 2009 2:28 am
Edited on: April 6, 2009 11:41 am

Avoiding a speeding ticket

A man is speeding down a highway at a very high rate of speed, well over the speed limit, and fast enough to grab the attention of a state trooper who hadn't met his quota for the month.  The trooper takes off after the man with lights flashing and siren blaring, and then the man suddenly accelerates and starts going even faster than he was before, trying to get away from the trooper.  But his car is just not fast enough to escape from the trooper, and eventually he gives up and pulls over to the side of the road.  When the trooper asks him why he wouldn't pull over at first, this is what the man says:

"I just recently divorced my wife, and she got re-married to a state trooper.  When I saw you coming up behind me, I thought you were him trying to bring her back!"

The trooper laughed so hard he let the man go with only a warning.


Category: General
Posted on: June 4, 2008 12:46 pm

You might be a Minnesotan if....

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota :

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Minnesota

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights
each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live in Minnesota

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
You might live in Minnesota

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, 
You might live in  Minnesota

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Minnesota

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know how to say...Wayzata. ..Mahtomedi. Cloquet. Edina ..and Shakopee,
You might live in  Minnesota

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
You might live in  Minnesota

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in  Minnesota

If you measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know several people, who have hit deer more than once, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
You might live in  Minnesota

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, 
You might live in  Minnesota

If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them, 
You might live in Minnesota

If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time

You might live in  Minnesota

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, 
You might live in Minnesota

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you can identify a southern or eastern accent, 
You might live in Minnesota

If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, 
You might live in Minnesota

If "Down South" to you means Iowa,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know "a brat" is something you eat,
You might live in Minnesota

If you find -10 degrees "a little chilly",
You might live in Minnesota

If you actually understand these jokes, and you send them to all your Minnesota friends, You might live in Minnesota

Category: General
Tags: Minnesota
Posted on: March 26, 2008 10:49 pm

Top 10 Unnecessary Things

It's finally here... the top 10 list of unnecessary things from the unnecessary thread.  Sorry for the delay, but I've been travelling a lot for work, and a beautiful woman has been keeping me busy. 

I'm open to suggestions for revising this list if anyone has more ideas....  I know there are many things that probably deserve to be in the top 10, but there is only so much room, so this is what I have for now.

The screen names of whoever submitted each thing are in parentheses.



10.  the platypus (sea_fan8)

9.  pea soup (Pats_Guy)

8.  mimes (Anika)

7.  getting drunk (spartan822)

6.  syncronized swimming (Anika)

5.  suicide bombers that floss (Anika)

4.  everything that comes out of Rosie O'Donnell's mouth (bostonsux)

3.  the WNBA (THowardFan53)

2.  threads about politics and/or religion on (spartan822)

1.  unpredictable weather (maliciousphenom)


A big thank you to all who contributed, whether they knew it or not!

Category: General
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or